shameless... "me and my big mouth"

I am not flippant but sometimes i fail to practice tact in speech...

...these things called "friendships"

This piece is inspired by a facebook status i wrote few hours ago... I was thinking back as I do often, about the experiences of the past; what went wrong, what went right, lessons learned and growth ever since... Usually when I think like that, i compare old experience with new experiences; my Dad's with mine; My Mom's with mine; College with Work and e.t.c.

It is ALWAYS an interesting exercise - thinking and evaluating. Today my thoughts stemmed from not-so-recent "friendship indulgences" ... Great experiences that taught several lessons; my facebook status a summation of my thoughts: "the truth of the matter is people ARE inherently selfish and will dump you once you are no longer as useful to them as the newest "friend". To maintain "friendships", you've got to maintain a certain level of "usefulness" and "relevance". Really why are we friends if i don't "need" you?! *shrugs* SMH! This is the UNFORTUNATE truth of the matter for sooooooo many people, its unbelievable! Beware!"

Some people become friends with people because they are pretty, rich, have cute brothers, live close by, have a nice smile, can cook, can paint, can swim, can sing, have a car, and many random reasons. I've found that many of these "you-have-something-i-want" (not admire!) friendships turn out to be the "use-and-dump" type ones. [Please note that i am in no way trying to be deep... just ranting really] Then there are the ones that hang on for relevance sake or because they feel they owe you something (as a result of the many "nice things" you've done for them) Unfortunately all these alliances, partnerships, "plottings" and intrigues find themselves in one huge old box called "friendship".

While there are some friends we meet and make and cannot really explain why there is that bond or attachment; usually there is no reason at first, it is just along the way that we find that person becoming more resourceful than we ever imagined; at that point many choose never to let go... Those kind of friendships i have experienced make the heart sooo warm and if you have it you can identify it with another group. One that is devoid of questions, "the how-comes" and "may-bes"... none of all that. Those kinds of friendships flow regardless of status, levels, and etc. Those kind of friendships usually feel like sisterhoods, brotherhoods and parenthood.... if you know how those REALLY feel.

In continuation of my facebook status (though i did not put this on facebook, it was at that time i decided to do this piece) i state that I do not believe that this is God's definition of relationships or friendships. Love God, Love your neighbor as yourself are the 1st and 2nd commandments. Thus this means that if i cannot treat myself a certain way, i mustn't treat anyone that way...no?

I am reminded of the conversation I had with my Mom and Aunt (Mom's younger sister) just yesterday on my way to the post office and on their way to the stores... I sat at the back in the car thinking of how awesome it is to have sisters. So i said something like "It's so great to have sisters" cos i was thinking of how my own big sister had gone shopping for me in my absence and picked out 5 expensive blouses that fit perfectly + a lovely skirt... then Mom's sister was taking her shopping, without being asked and not because she wants anything in return; these are things as far as I'm concerned; they did not have to do BUT for love and sisterhood and the presence of that unexplainable bond which isn't selfish, "whats-in-it-for-me ish?" or "how-do-i-pay-back ish?"

My Mentor, Friend, Brother (one of those rare friendships i cannot quite explain) Uncle Wole, just admonished on fb saying "but one mustn't live life waiting to be used and dumped. If we become close to "dumpers" and then get hurt, we should blame ourselves for not seeing them for "what" they were not blame them for being true to their own natures." I totally agree and I recall that we actually have discussed this topic maybe once or twice and i usually would ask "but why are people that way and bla bla bla?" Uncle Wolzie's response would be something like "because that's the way the world is" or something...

The fact remains that we MUST guard our hearts and pay attention to the Holy Spirit who guides us; because unless you are seeking adventure and experiences re: stories (like this) to tell, after all experiences inspire stories and songs, lollz... the art of using and dumping is quite a waste of time especially for the dumpee...

This lesson to me goes farther than relationships with your office colleague, or school mate, or fellow worker in the church... it goes as far as political and inter-country alliances... it IS truly the way of the world. Open for participation and indulgence for as many as are skilled or just interested...


My only quarrel is that perhaps these kinds of interactions should find another word to be formally, openly and popularly described with; so that unsuspecting fellows do not find themselves entrapped, entangled and completely disenchanted; in fact severely burned in these things called "friendships".

BACK.

hey you two over there!
I'm back! :)